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Post by scotsrockgod on Nov 3, 2005 10:50:50 GMT -5
Why was he singing "magic people, voodoo people" exactly?
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Post by Lisa Rippner on Nov 3, 2005 17:41:41 GMT -5
Hmmm....
Well, if you'd like some constructive criticism, I'd work on spelling and/or grammar. It makes the peice easier to read, and easier to understand.
Like during this part:
“NO”(echo)
Try incorporate the echoing into the sentence, rather than putting it in parenthesis. (Ei: "NO!" he cried, his voice trailing off in an echo)
I don't know if you were looking for tips, but I'm just trying to help. It's a really cute fic, overall. Update soon!
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Post by scotsrockgod on Nov 3, 2005 23:55:13 GMT -5
^ I'd agree here. It appears that maybe you want to write a movie script rather than a story?
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Post by scotsrockgod on Nov 4, 2005 2:04:01 GMT -5
I can't right now, I'm swamped. I would like to help, though.
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Post by omgiluvvscarecrow on Nov 4, 2005 3:47:34 GMT -5
just continue the story
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Post by contortionist-in-the-making on Nov 5, 2005 23:42:51 GMT -5
Keep going!! and rachael must die!!!!!
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Post by girl in the sharkskin tuxedo on Nov 6, 2005 0:36:57 GMT -5
I could beta for you. I have lots of free time, I don't mind.
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Post by Kaylee on Nov 13, 2005 15:05:21 GMT -5
Hahahaha.
i don't know if the purpose is to be funny , but I kept laughing at how crane talked to himself. this should be good
<33 kaylee
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Post by Pukkina on Feb 22, 2006 9:44:23 GMT -5
LOL this is awesome...though I can't see either one of those two people wanting to play PS2.
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