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Post by fosforito on Jan 8, 2006 5:22:48 GMT -5
awwww noooo... poor Jonathan...being there all alone.. aww, how much I´d like to be there, taking care of him... and now he ´s longing for the two most important persons of his life: his mom and Emily.. awwww... now I really have Charlotte Church´s lyrics in my head.. awww.. how sad.. please post soon girl, I wanna know what happens next
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Post by azina on Jan 8, 2006 23:11:51 GMT -5
awwww noooo... poor Jonathan...being there all alone.. aww, how much I´d like to be there, taking care of him... aww me too girl. you know we'd both take care of him. yeah, well you know there's a reason. where his physical needs are being met - well barely - his emotionally needs aren't being met ... he's not getting any love. nobody loves him there, nobody really cares for him as we know his mom or Emily might, that's why he's longing for them ... he feels that ache your wish is my command
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Post by azina on Jan 8, 2006 23:15:08 GMT -5
Now you see why this took a little bit longer ... I wanted to make sure this came out right. It's a very important scene. Get ready for the belated flashback scene ...
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Post by fosforito on Jan 9, 2006 8:08:44 GMT -5
wow, what a cool chapter!!! *Cillian bar for that* I had to re-read the last chapter of SOTM as I was remembering Falcone there at the end but it means here that Jon has his convo with Ducard after meeting Falcone, right? Wow, you described Ducard/Liam very well...especially the facial part (Liam was an amateur boxer before, right?) I like Jon´s light sarcastic comments in that convo.. seems that regarding this, they both are on the same wave length somehow. It´s interesting to see how Jon doesn´t give so much interest to the blue flower first ... he still doesn´t know how much this flower will change his work and also his future as a psychiatrist. Very well written, girl. I can´t wait to read more!!
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Post by azina on Jan 14, 2006 22:36:27 GMT -5
wow, what a cool chapter!!! *Cillian bar for that* Aww, thanks so much girl. Yep, this is after ... in the chapter Jonathan asked the nurse in some way if Falcone is the one visiting him and she says no. Thank you. Thanks for telling me his eye color ... it came in handy.
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Post by azina on Jan 22, 2006 2:43:32 GMT -5
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Post by fosforito on Jan 22, 2006 13:51:04 GMT -5
Oh wow - what a chapter Azina! First I like your description of the charity event and I can see Jonathan sitting at this table, how uncomfortable he feels - and also how angry, sad and also betrayed he must feel after realizing that he and his work wasn´t honoured at all. And although we got to know Jonathan as a man having some luxury in his life, how much he was longing to get more power and financial support to go on with his work.. so the jewelries were a very good metaphor Very good! In a way, Ducard and Jon seem to be on a same wave length but it just seems like this - as in my story, Henri Ducard is a man not really caring for other people, indeed he´s using them and manipulating them for his own good. And in this chapter, we get a light idea that Jonathan knows that strictly speaking he´s getting manipulated somehow but he also thinks on his work and on the need to keep arkham running, so he´s doing this deal with Ducard - although he knows that Ducard will betray him in a way. As we know from the movie Henri didn´t tell Jon the whole truth, his real motivs and you´re following this path what I find very good. So, I have to say it again: very very good work girl and don´t even dare to change anything on that chapter as you told me - keep it as it is!!! And.. as always: I can´t wait to read more!
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Post by azina on Jan 22, 2006 23:17:24 GMT -5
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Post by fosforito on Jan 22, 2006 23:47:17 GMT -5
Oh nooooo poor Jonathan! Now he realized for the first time, what price he really had to pay for his deal with Ducard - and how much he got betrayed.. Now I have this quote in my mind again, Joaquin Phoenix said in that movie (was the title "8mm"? Don´t remember): "It´s not you changing the devil, the devil is changing you" (hope that the´s correct translation as I´ve seen this movie only in German). And I´m getting the impression that Ducard is fully aware of the fact, that Jon is mentally ill - and now by taking away the meds from him, he knows what that means for Jon Damn you Ducard, and damn you Scarecrow - leave Jonathan alone!!! though - great piece of work Azina, can´t wait to find out what happens next.
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Post by azina on Jan 23, 2006 8:18:18 GMT -5
Thanks for the feedback girl. Yeah, poor Jonathan is in quite a bind now without his meds and Scarecrow emerging again. Did you notice something in this? Scarecrow is not talking in his head like he normally does. I'm using quotes. That means he's making Jonathan talk, like at the end of The Rift. Maybe I should point this out in my revision.
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Post by fosforito on Jan 23, 2006 14:06:54 GMT -5
Oh yes girl, you´re right, I haven´t realized that ;D Yeah, it seems that Jonathan´s desease is now taking a more serious turn when he now starts to speak to himself - and he´s also Ducard´s guinea pig now by taking hismeds away what I find even humiliating in a way How can he do this to Jon? Damn, he already got what he wanted from him, does he have to even destroy the rest of Jonathan´s mind?! Damn you Ducard, you´re an ass!!
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Post by azina on Feb 14, 2006 1:50:32 GMT -5
Oh nooooo poor Jonathan! Now he realized for the first time, what price he really had to pay for his deal with Ducard - and how much he got betrayed.. Now I have this quote in my mind again, Joaquin Phoenix said in that movie (was the title "8mm"? Don´t remember): "It´s not you changing the devil, the devil is changing you" (hope that the´s correct translation as I´ve seen this movie only in German). How very true it is and now Jonathan realizes how badly he's had to pay for this mistake. Poor Jonathan. Well I'm leaving this open to interpretation. Did he lose his meds or did Ducard find them and take them away? But let's say you have some reason to suspect given Ducard's history. The effect is the same though ... Scarecrow is getting the upperhand.
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Post by azina on Feb 14, 2006 1:55:53 GMT -5
Well I'm still posting this story thanks to Alex's (fosforito) insistence, but seriously people, if you're reading this, please give me feedback because I'm starting to feel that formatting it here is becoming a wasted effort. I was seriously considering stopping posting it here and just posting it on ff.net where at least I get some feedback on it. So please, if you are interested ... respond.
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Post by fosforito on Feb 15, 2006 20:23:15 GMT -5
Hey girl! Well, we already have chatted about your chapter but though, I want to give you a comment here on the board. I like this chapter very much First, how you discribed the environement and also the ninja - somehoe I got reminded of my time when I was still doing matrial arts, dunno why LOL. Ducard is again playng his own game with Jon and it´s still very difficult to say, if Ducard is telling Jon the truth or if he is lying to him. The sentance: “You think too small, which probably is why you still are in Gotham,” got stuck in my head somehow. I think, Jon must have been kinda hurt somehow when Ducard told him that as he was thinking of doing sth good, sth. noble, sth great and now he had to realize that everything he wanted to do completely failed. This sentance is kinda humilating for Jon I might assume. It´s like Ducard is saying to him: "Jonathan, you´re a loser. You´re not able to do sth alone". And maybe the same thing with mentioning his mom - like even Jon is not capable to protect his mom: ( Damn, Ducard is very manipulative, I have to say... I also liked this kinda flashback Ducard had on his last encounter with Batman in the monorail. Also very interesting how did you ended that scene. I´m wondering if Ducard already knows what is going on with Jon, if he knows about the medication...hmmmm *scratches head* When you wrote about Ducard´s next plan the bombs everywhere I was somehow expecting sth else - not nuking the city but maybe using biological or chemical weapons (I somehow can´t imagine Ducard using simple TNT, you know what I mean?). But on the other hand, the fear toxin was kinda chemical weapon, so maybe I just thinking too complicated.. ..oh no, and now Jonathan is facing into the barrel of a gun again I´m curious how will the story go on.. and SILENT REEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADERRRRRRRRRRRSS!!! Wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by azina on Feb 27, 2006 23:55:05 GMT -5
I thought this was such a good point I thought I would bring this up again in the next chapter. The problem with liars is you never know when they're lying. You're right, somehow the way he turns the tables really is cruel for Jonathan. Ducard goes from flattering Jonathan, telling him how wonderful and important he and his work is to how small he really is. I imagine this must be the worst, belittling insult he must get, even worse than any petty, stupid thing he must have heard from Rachel Dawes. Yeah, talk about taking the knife and twisting it into poor Jonathan's heart. I really love ambiguity and leaving questions in the readers' minds. Does he know? Does he not know? This is what makes it interesting in a way. to quote the great Bruce Wayne, "Sorry to disappoint."
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